It was the spring of 2003 when a May total lunar eclipse changed my life forever. Three things were eclipsed from my life by the end of that summer: my dog who was euthanized on the solstice, my partner of 14 years, and the home we built together. I called it getting the cosmic 2x4. If the Universe wants you to change, you WILL change whether you want to or not.
I will always remember the day that our dog, Shera, was euthanized. The vet came to the house early that morning. My partner held Shera in her arms while the vet injected the lethal dose. Shera cried out as the poison moved through her. I buried her in a wooden casket that we had made the night before. The pouring rain that day hid the myriad of tears I shed as I buried her. As I lifted each shovelful of soil, I felt my life being unearthed from all that I loved. "My God, what had I done?" I thought. The woman I thought I'd never leave was suddenly out of my life. My truest and best companion, my dog, was gone. In that moment I felt I had killed both - so I could live! Within a month, I moved out of our house that I had loved so dearly, and by the following October, I moved to Sedona.
I had always wanted to visit Sedona. Several of my friends had visited and told me stories of their journeys. I decided to go on a scouting trip in May of 2004, just a little over a year after that monumental eclipse. I fell in love with the red rocks and the energy of the land. I cried when I left and knew I had to return.
My journey to awakening meant leaving home, family, foundation, and all familiarity to travel to a place where I knew no one, that was like a foreign land coming from the east coast, and where a whole new world was opening before me. I had plenty of fear but I moved through it one step at a time. I was beautifully guided to rent a room from a woman who had recently lost her home in a fire. Little did I know that she and I would become friends and would become my Sedona housing angel. When I missed home and family, I drove to the high school parking lot where I could be alone to cry. Sedona's energy helps to release the old and I had a ton to release.
Shortly after I had arrived, I received a writing coaching session from Mark David Gerson. It was after that session that I began to write my first book, In the Key of Life: An Activational Journey to the Soul. I published it in 2007 and started my first blog the same year: Lifelines for a changing world. My first blog was about home and the heart - which became the focus of my work. Here is an excerpt from that first blog titled, Coming Home:
An interesting title for my first blog. I have been asked by several friends lately, when are you coming home? Home? The east coast is no longer my home. I live in Sedona, Arizona. Then I asked myself, "Is Sedona my home?" The answer came immediately. No. So where is home?
Home is where the heart is, so the saying goes. My heart is the center of my being, the core essence of who I am. After all, the heart has been associated with the emotion of love for centuries. Love is who we are, the "stuffings" of the universe. If I follow my heart, I am not following someone or something outside of myself. I am following an internal compass, a homing device, if you will, within my heart. As long as I follow the tracking beam of my homing device, I am good to go. It is similar to an ancient Chinese device used to find their way back home. They placed a wooden statue of their emperor, arm outstretched and finger pointing, atop a cart. Underneath the cart was a series of cogs that would turn as the wheels turned. As the cart was pulled, the wooden statue would turn in such a way as to always point toward home, no matter which direction the cart was pulled or how far away from home it was.
My heart has pulled me in many different directions, some thousands of miles away from "home." I imagine that some of my friends and family wonder about my wanderings. We all have our own path to follow. The heart knows what no one else has seen.
To answer the question posed by my friends back east - I am always home.
On your journey of awakening, you may need to leave behind things you hold dear. I felt like I had lost everything but in the end, I gained myself. We each walk our own path of awakening. Yours may be different but all roads lead to the same place - home - the heart of who you are.